Feeling Nostaligic

I was driving out in town the other day and got caught in some really bad traffic--very uncharacteristic of a small town but it was due to the fact that I was across the street from the local high school and everyone was in a mad dash to get out of there and get home. As I sat in the car, I looked on at the campus and at all of the high schoolers walking around. I saw the groups of girls gossiping and laughing at each other; I saw the couple making out; I saw the couple enraged in a fight; and I couldn't believe what I started feeling--nostalgic. I couldn't believe it--I was feeling nostalgic for those days that I apparently hated so greatly.

After reflecting upon this emotion, I became very upset with myself. Why didn't I enjoy high school more? Why didn't I enjoy those "coming of age" years that I'll never have back? Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't repeat high school if you paid me--but I wish I had appreciated the good things better than I had while I was there. Instead of being upset about not having a boyfriend, or upset that my grades weren't as good as they could be, or upset about the things going on at home--I could have taken into account the fact that I had the greatest group of girl friends that anyone could have ever had--girl friends that I really don't have any more. Yes, I am still great friends with a couple of them today, but we are separated by coasts and we don't get to do all that we used to in high school, let alone see each other more than once a year. The rest of those great girl friends from high school have faded off, creating new lives for themselves. I wonder if they ever think of our friendship as fondly as I do. I wonder if they ever get nostalgic over those long lost days of running from hall monitors, ringing taco bells and nights of no sleep and gossip.

Yes, high school was frustrating. Boys were stupid and teachers were even worse; homework was lame and I hated having a curfew. But--I had great times with a group of girls that were truly special--and I wish I had appreciated all of our fun in the moment while it was happening. That's really the point of high school, I think...to form these friendships that will impact your life forever.

As the traffic started to pick up again, I looked upon that group of girls I saw outside of the school. I made a wish for them--that they would always appreciate those other girls standing around laughing with them. I hope they stay in touch as long as they can, and they realize how lucky they are to have each other.

Thinking

Thinking



I sat down one afternoon

And reflected upon my years

I thought about how much I'd seen

I thought about all the tears



I thought about my weakened heart

How love has been so unkind

I thought about men I'd loved and lost

And the times I'd been left behind



I thought about how I'd been betrayed

The lies caused so much confusion

I thought about how I'd come to believe

That trust is just an illusion



I thought about my family

How much pain and hardship we'd bared

I thought about how much they've meant to me

No one else has ever compared



I thought about times I'd gone without

I tried even harder to gain

I thought about how I wanted sun

But often times just got rain



Then I thought about all the people

Who bared all of this with me

I thought about the kindness of strangers

And how what will be will be



Then I thought about smiling

When I realized I'd been so strong

I thought about how through every trial

Strength kept me happy all along



Then I thought about thinking

And how the sadness had clouded my brain

I thought to myself, Count your blessings

And never once again thought of pain

A Grown Up Cliche

You know that cliche that says "You know you're an adult when your friends become your family".... Yeah, we've all heard it, read it, maybe even applied it to our lives time and again.

I'm here to reverse that cliche and make a new one. This is something I've descovered after living in California for the past two years . Yes, California has showed me many things--tattoos are a fashion statement, flip flops are appropriate footwear anywhere and the Central Valley just smells like cow...there's no getting around that. However, I think the most important thing I've learned over the past two years, is a reverse to that popular cliche.

"You know you've become an adult, when your family becomes your friends."

I have spent the past two years getting to know my family all over again after having been away from them for over 10 years...and it is the most amazing and not to mention comforting thing to discover that the people who have known you since birth are also your best friends in the world. It's incredible to be drinking wine or margaritas around a bonfire, playing guitar and singing to great lyrics, having heart to hearts, and then look up and realize that you are related to all of these amazing people enjoying this evening with you. It's amazine to know that they will be there forever. They have to, they are family.

To all of these people, you know who you are, thank you for helping me realize adulthood in the best way possible, and for being my best friends. :-)

(ok, enough cheese. goat cheese? i love goat cheese!)

The Passing of "Firsts"

I think one of the hardest things about getting older (besides the slowed metabolism, the wrinkles and the overactive bladder) is the fact that you have to start watching those around you--those people who were an influence on your life--pass away.

I am deeply saddened at the loss of Patrick Swayze. I know he was a celebrity--I didn't know him personally, and probably couldn't relate to the type of life he lead. But nonetheless, I am saddened. Patrick Swayze was my first crush--the first time I actually realized what a man could do to me. He was the first guy I actually thought was "hot" as opposed to boys I just chased in the playground or threw pencils at. Up until that point in my life, there was no one I both envied and hated more than Baby in Dirty Dancing. "Take me out of the corner, Johnny" I used to think. Patrick Swayze was one of those "firsts" for me, and I had never forgotten that.

Whenever someone dies of cancer, I can't help but think of my father. And as I watch the news broadcasts and tributes on TV tonight, I can't help but think maybe half of those tears streaming down my face are for the man who was my first "first"--my father. The man who was the first to influence my life, and the first to leave it. I can't help but compare his journey to the journey of others who have suffered the same disease. I can't help but admire his bravery. I can't help but think of him and wonder where he is.

So, here's to Patrick Swayze. Here's to "nobody puts Baby in the corner" and "Ditto." Here's to giving me my first boy/girl life lesson. Here's to living and dying in the classiest way possible. I hope that you're up there, somewhere, teaching my Dad how to do the mambo. With separate partners, of course.

Regular Americans...It's Finally Our Turn

I rarely talk politics. I usually have a hard time wrapping my head around other people's ideas when they differ from my own--not because I am stubborn and one sided, but because when it comes to our country, sometimes I just can't understand other people's opinions.

However, I just have to discuss this...just have to touch on it, even if it's ever so lightly.

Last night, Mr. President spoke to our nation about our healthcare. Let me restate this--he spoke to OUR country about OUR healthcare. I have to say, it is so refreshing to actually hear a President discuss a problem that is happening in our country. His speech wasn't about a war; it wasn't about what we can do to improve someone else's freedom; it was about a huge problem in OUR country, one that he so desperately wants to fix, because it's in awful shape. I feel as though through the last administration (to protect the innocent I won't mention what his name is, or what party he is associated with) all we heard about was war, terrorism and overseas oil. Not to say that those things aren't important--they are. You'd think with my involvement with the military I'd be completely immersed in those topics--but I'm not. While all the speeches were being made and money being spent (wasted) on this war, OUR country was falling...deeper and deeper into economic depression, and not much was done about it. I know we have to protect this country--but don't you think a President should be able to multi-task? I mean he is the leader of the greatest Nation in the world, after all...

Anyway--healthcare has always been an issue that I feel very strongly about, ever since I got to watch my father suffer for all those years. I watched as my mother who was trapped inside a low paying job because she couldn't get insurance for my father anywhere else feared that the bills wouldn't get paid. I watched as the hospital bills piled up, because insurance didn't cover anything. Cancer is the most expensive disease, and no one should die from it because they can't afford it.

Finally, we have a leader who is concerned about things that affect regular Americans. Regular Americans! Americans who are jobless and scared...scared and sick...sick and going broke because of it.

His plan won't be smudge proof. It's not possible. He is human, and there can be error associated with it. But--we should feel calmed to know--that he can't screw up this country any more than the administration of the last eight years did.

Every Hound Dog Has its Day

Today, I headed to the gym at about 3 PM as Mr. Navy was heading off to work. I ran, walked, biked and squeezed my glutes. I then headed over to the Jet-Mart (a convenience store) to buy some dish washing liquid and some of my new favorite zero calorie SoBe Life Waters. Upon coming home, I pulled my car into the garage, opened the door and came in...to the pungent smell of aerosol.

Yuck! What was that smell? It smelled like a combination of strong bug spray and fresh paint, and was rampant throughout my downstairs. I immediately dropped my stuff and began sniffing. I followed the smell throughout the downstairs, but couldn't pinpoint the source. I started to worry--what if something was leaking in the house...what if I was going to pass out from these fumes? What if Mr. Navy came home to find me passed out on the kitchen floor in my sweaty gym clothes?

After sniffing for about five to ten minutes, I thought to call our housing company and find out if there was any work being done on any of the homes in my area. Maybe the smell came through the air from somewhere else. I dialed the appropriate number and was greeted by "Lincoln Lady". I explained to her the situation and she said she had no idea what the smell could be. She told me that no work was being done around my area. "Ok....," I answered her. She told me maybe it was hair spray. "I don't use hair spray," I answered her. She told me that maybe our bug spray had leaked all over the house. "I keep the bug spray outside in the backyard and it doesn't smell out there," I answered her. She came back to me with a long Hmmmmmmm. She told me she just didn't know what it could be. I thanked her for nothing, and hung up the phone.

I then continued to make like a dog all over the house--no, I didn't mark my territory, but I started sniffing like I've never sniffed before. I went into the corners, the vents, the oven, the closets and the bathrooms, all the while sniffing like a regular basset hound. I stuck my head into the washer and dryer, only to come out covered in lint and none the wiser. Then, the phone rang. It was "Lincoln Lady."

She told me that there was plaster work being done all afternoon in the house connected to mine, and that's what I was smelling. Not to worry, she told me. No need to go around the house sniffing like a dog, she should have told me....

Too late. She couldn't have found this out for me while I was on the phone with her initially? Today is one of those days where I'm really glad that the flies on my wall can't relay any information to Mr. Navy.